I care a lot about personal space. A lot. Too much. I obsess about it. I give people dirty looks at the grocery store. If you are too close to me for no reason, I will usually make it very obvious while I remove myself from the area that yes, you are too close to me and that is why I am moving.
But. I will not actually speak up. I won’t say anything. I am unable to open my mouth and say something simple like, “excuse me, but would you mind backing up just a bit?”
The questions are: If I actually start to speak up and clue people in that they are a space invader, will they get mad at me? Will they move? Won’t I feel worse after the confrontation than before it? If I start to make a habit of it, will it get easier? Am I content with the fact that I will probably never be able to visit India??? (fine by me: don’t like Indian food. Blasphemy!)
I know there are some people who either have no “bubble” or people who are simply rude and want to either get in front of you, or crowd you so that you will move. Heck, I am certainly guilty of being tailgater. But that’s in a car. I’m talking about the people who could have stood anywhere in the not-crowded bar last night but still chose to stand directly in front of me and my husband while were talking. (I caught the eye of one of them, and gave him an exasperated look.) I’m talking about the person who stands so close behind me at the grocery store. In fact, let’s just put it out there: I don’t like lines. It usually has nothing to do with how long they are. In fact, most cashiers know how to move a line quickly: if a line is moving slowly it’s usually the fault of the customer, 95% of the time. (And if not, it’s because you’re at T.J. Maxx where they only put a UPC tag on 43.9% of their items.) I don’t like lines because no matter what line you’re in, everybody thinks that moving closer to the person in front of them will move the line faster. It won’t. Stop doing it. (Again, these rules do not apply to driving.)
Moving on. Please reply and tell me whether or not it is in my best interest to start speaking up and letting people know they are invading my space. Otherwise, don’t be surprised if you are told by the brunette in front of you, “dude, give me some room, will ya?”
I think if you ask people politely to move back a bit and they get upset, that’s their fault…. What if, when you are shopping with a cart and you’re standing in the checkout line, you stand at the front end of the cart (so you can put as much distance between you and the person in front of you) and then the cart acts as a buffer between you and the person behind you?
Don’t say anything to people? Ha! I can’t count the number of times that you’ve told me I was invading your personal space! Of course this is a different situation.
I think that because you don’t speak up for yourself very often, it comes out sounding super annoyed which, while understandable, is going to piss people off. The following might put things into a different perspective and help you be polite when you speak up: You are more sensitive about personal space than a lot of other people. No one is right or wrong in this situation, you’re just dealing with people who have different needs from your own. They aren’t crowding up on you in line because they want the line to go faster; they probably just 1. don’t need as much space as you do and 2. want to get out of the way of people passing in the aisle behind them or 3. want to read the magazine covers.
Also, I was reading Miss Manners recently and found one about this very topic! http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/02/AR2010020203434.html
Jenni: it is totally different if I know you! I tell Doug to get out of my way often. =)
I just read the Miss Manners thing, and I swear that person was reading my mind! I do think I will attempt polite gestures at getting people to move. It’s certainly true that if you tell someone in a way that gives them an out, they’ll usually take it. Anyway, I’m gonna try it.
Charity: I’d love to say that your idea would work, but most place, people will still bump into your cart and run over your heels. Or, the bagger will ask for your cart, thereby removing your barrier.