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Archive for April, 2009

spring nostalgia.

As usual, I am over-generalizing…but most people like spring, right?  Most people’s hearts jump for joy at the sight of those blades of green finally shooting up, those pink buds on the trees, even the first good soaking rain.  Why can’t I join in this celebration of new life?  

Spring definitely incites that weird nostalgic feeling.  Spring is putting on a raincoat, and playing outside barefoot in that smooth part of the concrete on the street right against the curb, splashing away.  Spring is the apple blossoms on the tree in the back yard.  Spring knowing that there’s only a month or two left of school and then the days will be filled with sprinklers and strawberries and shucking corn.  

So how come this spring brings nothing but a weird weight on my heart?  The only way I could make sense of it is that maybe while the nature around me is shouting “look what’s coming!!”, I, in fact, have no idea what is coming.  I want to hope that something beautiful is inside me, too, wanting to come out.  I have those thoughts of wanting to be able to tell my 10-year-old self to appreciate her last moments as a child, and not to look forward to growing up so much.  Or to tell that kid across the street who is bouncing his basketball the same.  

But, perhaps that is what Spring is about.  It’s about not watching too closely or it’s easy to think that nothing is really happening.  Maybe one day soon I will see these very days as the beginning of my own Spring of heart, even if I can’t see the growth yet.

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