In a few days, I will be trading in the sights of Chapel Hill:
For the sights of Omaha:
(I’m pretty sure that picture is copyrighted, but anybody who lives in Omaha or has visited has probably taken the exact same picture. I know I have.)
I am excited to visit home, to eat at some restaurants that I’ve missed (I’m talking about you, La Buvette), and see old friends. I am also a bit nervous. It’s been three years since we visited, and I know the city has changed a lot since we’ve been. Will it feel totally normal driving around? Will it feel like we’ve been gone three years? Will it feel like home or more like an acquaintance? I am starting to think that we didn’t schedule ourselves enough time. There are a lot of things I want do do, a lot of people I want to see. I really hope I get to do everything I want, but it’s likely I will miss out on a few things.
In other news: I recently turned 30. Woo!! Not really. Or sort of. I am not quite sure what to think of my 30’s yet, to be honest. So far, it’s almost like I feel 20 again, except with more experience this time around. The other day, I found myself in a coffee shop with a notebook and a stack of books. I had mistakenly left my phone at home, and did not bring my laptop with me. So in that regard, it really did feel like ten years ago, when not everyone had cell phones yet, and many people went to coffee houses to read/write/hang out, instead of using them as their offices. So the other day, I had my books, some of them I had read for the first time in my early 20’s, and as I skimmed through them with my 30-year-old brain, I understood the words in a new light. I had been lamenting over my loss of that sense of discovery I had when I was 20, when everything was new, when I had no money, and very few possessions. Everything I owned could fit into my 1990 Geo Prism hatchback.
(That is not my specific car, but mine was also red and basically looked just like that one, except with more rust.)
Basically, I am looking to simplify my life where I can. In the past, I’ve always become too idealistic about my abilities to simplify my life, trying with all my willpower to get my life under control, to more or less be the perfect example of a human being. However, now all I really want is to start looking around a bit more at my life, and start deciding what is important. I want to focus less on what I “should” be doing, and more what I truly want to be doing. You know, the things you dream about doing on the days that you really don’t want to be at work. Most people don’t think “I wish I wasn’t at work right now, so that I could go home and waste five hours on Facebook.” No, instead we think things like, “I wish I wasn’t at work right now because I’d like to get to the farmer’s market, read a book, or maybe just go see a movie by myself.” I guess I just want more moments. Moments similar to those I had ten years ago, when even though I was working 55-hours a week to save up for moving to North Carolina (the first time), I was still so inspired that I would write on my lunch breaks, I would spend my little free time at coffee shops and hanging out with friends, and I would really look at the world around me, amazed.
I want to really see again.